Conflict Management
The communication study of this course caused me to take a
closer look at what happens when I experience a misunderstanding from a
miscommunication with someone. Because of this closer look I have noticed that
most people either will not accept the truth, and/or cannot handle the truth
about what they did to a colleague, friend, or family member when in the midst
of a conflict or disagreement. In addition, and perhaps even more of a problem,
of just admitting to a mistake and saying “I’m sorry”.
During the holiday I experienced a conflict with a longtime
friend that I have never had a conflict with. During a conversation of what our
holiday plans were, my friend told me that another friend was coming to dinner
at her house and I listened while she talked about it. I noticed that she did
not invite me and my family to dinner; after all, I had not seen our other
friend in a few years and thought that this was a chance for us all to enjoy. I
listened as my friend hesitated before she extended a half-witted invite to me.
The moment I was honest and let her know that it made me feel a little upset,
she immediately got defensive and we ended up in a conflict with angry text
messages back and forth, because I read between the lines and discovered that
she wasn’t extending an invite to me at that time. I could have had the humanly
feelings that my family should be invited to dinner because I had her entire
family to dinner at my house last year, but I understood that sometimes it’s
just a time for others, but the half-witted invite was the problem to me.
Thankfully, my friend and I were able to talk it out and came to an
understanding about what happened and apologized to each other for the
unfortunate situation.
In reverence to the 3R’s “Respect, Reciprocal, and Responsive”,
developed by early childhood specialist Magda Gerber, we respected each other
and cared enough to recognize that there was a problem and be responsive enough
to take ownership of the part we each played in the conflict. Also, we each
were receptive of the problem and the parts that we were responsible for. Our
conflict turned from unproductive to productive.
Lessons learned, I could have not been so sensitive, but my
thoughts were that good friends should be able to go to each other and be
honest letting the other know that something the friend said or did bothered
the other. As I see it, this was one of those examples of not being able to
accept the truth when it’s shown. In this case I don’t see where a compromise
was applicable.
Lessons learned, sometimes a situation looks to be a
problem, but isn’t at all what it seems. My friend also explained to me that
the other friend invited herself over for that dinner and offered to bring the
main dish which means less cooking for my friend, and my friend was trying to
follow her husband’s lead about how many people was coming to dinner.
Additionally, my friend admitted to trying to be careful of my husband’s
wishes. As I see it, my friend was some-what caught in the middle by tying to appease
her husband, and taking it for granted that my husband operated like hers. This
is why communication is so important; it keeps misunderstandings at bay and keeps
good friends and colleague relationships in good standing.
Reference
O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M.,
Mullin, D. L., & Teven, J. (2015). Real
Communication (3rd. ed.). New
York: Bedford/ St. Martin’s. Chapter 8,
“Managing Conflict in Relationships” (pp. 214).
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