We don’t say those words in class, or anywhere else!
Adults can often make incorrect choices, and some of those
choices can be very reckless and not so smart. Every day children are exposed
to these incorrect and costly choices that can leave us feeling and looking a
little silly and unusual, and sometimes children are not sure how to react to
them, so they can’t help but to laugh at what looks unusual to them. Unfortunately,
one of those unusual looking situations are when some adults become over
weight.
While out shopping one of my sons said “mom, that lady is
really fat.” I then had to tell him not to say that about that person and how
it is not a nice thing to say. After he made the comment and I tried to explain
to him why he shouldn’t say this he had such a puzzled look on his face,
because he knew that he was speaking the truth.
The message he could have received from this conversation
and what he just saw could have been is he supposed to lie, or pretend that he
did not see what he thought he just saw, and it could also be confusing to him.
As an anti-bias educator and a concerned parent, I would
have to explain to him and I did explain to him that when we use physical
features to describe and label someone we are attesting that they are only what
others see, and there’s more to a person than what we see. Everyone has
something that others may not understand, or that would not measure up to what
others think it should, but that doesn’t make them any less important than
others. Everyone is different and operate with different beliefs, and
understandings, but it doesn’t mean that they should be degraded or
disrespected in any way.
Children may not understand the word discriminatory or its
meaning, but responsible adults teach children and lead them away from this
type of behaviors and practices. According to Derman-Sparks, & Olsen Edwards,
(2010), out of “curiosity, sometimes children’s questions, comments, or
behaviors indicates an underlying stereotyped idea, discomfort, or rejection
about human differences” (p. 33 par 3).
References
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and
Ourselves. Washington, DC: National
Association for the Education of Young Children
(NAEYC).
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteI loved your post. I have to tell you a story that another teacher told me a few years ago. I was a teacher who heard a swear word and would tell the child we do not say those words. Another teacher explained those may be the only words they hear at home. That made me stop and think. Now, granted I still think those words are very inappropriate for school but I changed my words to we do not use those words at school. If they are okay at your home than that is fine but at school, we cannot use them. I explain why those words are hurtful. I have heard children use the word fat and it has been directed toward me. I explain that it does not matter what we look like on the outside as long as we are kind on the inside. Children only know what they have been taught. If they have been taught that fat is an okay word to use, then that’s all they may know. According to Derman-Sparks & Edwards (2010), “Positive and accurate learning experiences about human differences and similarities help to give children a foundation for resisting incorrect and harmful messages about themselves and others (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 86). Our job as educators is to help children see that words can hurt and they need to be chosen carefully even when one is a child.
References:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-Bias Education for young children and ourselves. Washington D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children.
Darlene-
ReplyDeleteYoung children just say what they see. They do not realize that their words can hurt. It is very hard to explain to a young child that they should not blurt out the differences they see. I have had learning experiences with this, trying to find the right words to express why it is not nice to a two year old. You did a great job explaining why we should not label a person by what we see, because the what we see on the outside is not who the whole person is, just a part.
Great Post,
Brandie
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteChildren are naturally honest and speak what is on their minds using language that they know. "Even if young children are making fun of a specific identity . . . such language exploration still is pre-prejudice because it has the potential to turn into real prejudice" (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010). I want to say that you did a great job explaining to your son that people are more than what we are physically able to see.
Reference
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
Mary
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me of a situation that occurred a few years ago when I taught pre-kindergarten. A teacher that worked as a floater (she went to any room that needed her that day) was obese. The children would often ask her questions about her weight and she did not take it well at all. Unfortunately, her weight problem was extremely dangerous to her health. I did talk to the children individually that had made comments to her. I was careful to not allow her to hear, for I was fearful that they would make more hurtful comments or ask questions that I knew would upset her. I had a discussion with the entire class the next day about kind words. When several students brought up healthy living I felt it was necessary to explain that she is not at a healthy weight. Do you agree that her unhealthy weight should have been addressed? I look forward to reading your thoughts!
-Siera
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteI really love the perspective you took in focusing on the bigger picture of not judging or categorizing others in a demeaning way that you projected to your child. It reflects that you are an anti bias educator and parent who has a core with "Authentic love and appreciation of others" (Harro, 2008 fg. 7.1). This particular bias is so hard for children to understand as they see so many messages that portray fat as bad.
Elisabeth
Harro, B (2010). The cycle of liberation. In M. Adams, W. Blumenfeld, C. Castaneda, H W. Hackman, M. L. Peters, & X Zuniga (Eds). Readings for diversity and social justice (figure 7.1) New, NY: Routledge.
Darlene, I love this post It is amazing how children would express their observations and curiosity, I think the parent did the most obvious thing; showing respect. However, children in their process of observation create their own unique explanation about what they see based on the cognitive tools they possess at the stage of development (Derman-Sparks, & Olsen Edwards, 2010). As educators it is critical that we create a rich learning environment, (anti-bias free environment) which will set the stage for discussion and open-ended questions to help children understand differences, similarities in others.
ReplyDeleteReference:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
I love your post, Great redirection of helping your child understand that bias is sometimes something that we do not even know we are doing. Children have to learn better before they can do better. You are an awesome parent.
ReplyDelete